Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Losing Friends and Dealing With A Broken Friendship

Friendships. They are one of the best things we all have and experience in life. Filling us with happy memories and moments that last us a lifetime. But they can also have their downfalls and not every friendship is going to be there forever some do break apart for whatever reason that may be and we all go through drama with friends and I want to be able to show you that but also try to help with dealing with it. I already know this post is set to be long and full of rambles so I'm sorry about that  maybe grab a beverage and curl up.

The other week Em Sheldon ( EmTalks ) wrote a post on how to deal with a friend heartbreak and I sat there eyes glued to my screen, as everything she had wrote was just so raw and honest that you can't help but admire her for speaking up and saying how we all feel. If there is one think I love about Em as a person it is her attitude and courage when it comes to empowering women. It is so refreshing to see in a Blogger. We can all sit and talk about what products we have been loving and these posts I do enjoy don't get me wrong but I can't help but love seeing people use their following to make a difference to those around them. After speaking to her at a Space NK event in Leeds last week I really saw how she does reflect her blog content in person.

When I first took inspiration from Em to write this post, I agreed completely that this could be something way too personal to even put live but I also feel that even if I am able to only share a small amount of everything with you, hopefully that can make a difference. It doesn't matter what age you are, we all go through ups and downs with friendships everyday, throughout our entire lives and even now at 19 I still struggle with broken friendships. But I really do want to say and emphasise by losing these friendships and growing up and as a person, this heartbreak you go through of losing a friend you expected to have in your life for years, it really does make you strong at the end of it. I think it is so important to find as many positives as you can from the situation and not only that, in the past whether its been heartbreak with a boy, a friend, or a best friend, I have always without fail learnt something new and something more about myself. If someone has gone out of their way to treat you badly, they have actually done you a favouir. Every time it has happened to me I have come to realise the future is what is key, you don't need that person in your life and as a friend. Friends are so important to have in your life but also when one does come to an end it shows you a little reminder that you're independent and being on your own is possible.  Not only this but we learn what qualities we do want in a friend and what we never want in a friend again.

Friendships end for a whole array of reasons, sometimes for reasons which we don't even know. They won't always be bad but they also won't always be good. Reaching the more personal aspect to this post I was a little wary to discuss the reasons some of the friendships in my life came to an end recently but I also know if I do they can highlight and be used as examples in this post further down so here goes nothing. After my first year at college and going through a really difficult time with a relationship, my health and also family issues, my parents made the decision for us to move to a different area, somewhere I knew nobody really. This meant I had to change colleges and go into an environment where everybody already knew each other and had their groups but everybody was REALLY friendly and this one group of three girls introduced me to their  "clique". From first impressions they seemed so lovely, I was actually taken a back a bit by it and I always do only judge people by how they are which is quite na├»ve of me I suppose but if somebody is nice to me I never stop to think they could actually be a horrible person. So we all got to know each other and our lives and we became super close. I see myself to be quite a generous person without wanting that to sound arrogant whether that's when it comes to friendship, love, time or general life, Spending time with these girls, if we'd planned to have girly night in I'd buy us all matching pjs and bring snacks, face masks etc. I never once did this to try force these girl into being friends with me I simply did it because I wanted to. I like to treat my friends and do nice things for them as I do with everybody I care about and love. I love to make people happy and it simply is just the way I am. It wouldn't have mattered how long I'd known these friends I'd have been the same and did to start to think they were super lovely. Then it came to Christmas and my boyfriend at the time  came to me saying he'd agreed with his auntie to use her house for a Christmas party. I have no idea why he did this because I've never been a massive party kind of person and I don't drink that much either but he insisted he was just trying to do something nice for me to spend time with my friends so I reluctantly agreed.  So we were at the party and suddenly all these people turned up out of nowhere for a house, that wasn't too big, there was certainly too many people. I knew for a fact I hadn't invited any of these people and I didn't know who they were either. I went over and asked the girls and they said they thought it'd be okay to invite a FEW (a few being about 50 people) people round to make it more of a party and for me to lighten up. Now at this point that was my warning sign I should've known to get out of this friendship right there and then. During the party I had a panic attack, I had felt it coming on and said to the one of the girls I need to go find an empty room quickly but even though she was perfectly aware of what was happening rather than asking if I needed anything or if I was okay she simply said okay whatever we're off to get food. Now I know not everybody understands anxiety and panic attacks but this girl didn't even stop for one second to show any concern. There was numerous other things happen over the following weeks that led to this friendship coming to a close but in conclusion these girls were not someone I wanted to be friends with.

Growing apart will happen. It's natural that some friendships you will grow out and they aren't their to last. That s just the dynamics of human relationships. My mum has always said to me - Some friends are for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.  She really couldn't be more right about this. We are all evolving and growing as individuals.

Tip 1 When it comes to dealing with the end of a friendship never badmouth the other person/people involved. I know this can be so easily done and I have myself been guilty of this but by doing this we are nurturing negativity which will eat at us and not the other/s involved and nobody is worth that.

Tip 2 A friendship is a form of loss so it will hurt and you have to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions it brings you. Whether its sadness, anger or you need to cry, you have to allow that. If you considered this person to be someone you were really close too, its okay to mourn. Talking about it is a necessity but do so around the appropriate people rather than someone who was mutually friends with them.

Tip 3 Give yourself a deadline. For me personally this is a week but you need to listen to yourself and how much you are going to need. Take how ever much time you do require but have an end date in mind for this emotional roller coaster until enough is enough and you can take the steps to move on.

Tip 4 Think about what you could have done better and for me this is definitely the way I react. During the healing process for me I knew that if I was ever in a bad situation like that again to walk away as soon as my emotions began to rise and try resolve things with the person later rather than try to reason with someone who isn't in the mindset to do so at all. Its a real maturity that will make you feel good about yourself and help you heal.

Tip 5 Establish a new friend "policy". Revisit the qualities you appreciate the most in a friend. You deserve people who will support and empower you.  Evaluate what is important to you and make sure that the current people in your life have those and as you met new people in the future try to recognise if they have those feelings form the start so you don't waste time on them if not.

Tip 6 Get busy and start doing things that are beneficial for your mind and body. Try new things like a hobby you have been putting off because when you feel like you are improving your mind and your body, your self esteem will really grow and you will heal quicker.

Sorry for rambling but I hope this helped you all in some way.
Love Sx

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